Sharings on Raimon Pannikar's Christophany

It's difficult to put into words the experience of reading Pannikar. Sometimes it did feel like being submerged in waters to deep or great waves overwhelming my little life raft, taking me down, only to come up again a little while later, choking, gasping for breath; but also the thrill of a surfer riding the waves back to shore.

Father Panikkar has helped broaden and deepen my appreciation for Jesus, for Christ, for life itself. Though he may not have wrapped up his book with the conclusions some of may have hoped for, for myself, the conclusion seems to be brought down to the simple level of being, of presence, and of my practice of taking my seat of meditation and there in that space learning to empty myself (Kenosis), to let go, and allow for that warm space of abundance, of love, grace and the divine presence.

I have not always been faithful to my seated-practice of meditation. Sometimes life gets in the way. Over the past six months, I've experienced several health problems, including pneumonia; and recently my wife was gang rushed by about 60+ students during a mini-riot at the school she at, was injured, bruised all over her body, her shoulder torn out of socket, etc., that left her with one arm in a sling and trying to hobble around on a crutch with the other. She just had surgery yesterday and is in alot of pain; and she still has not been paid for worker's compensation.

Yet, in the midst of all this, even though my sitting for specific times of meditation has been blown off course a bit, there is still that gentle returning again and again to awareness (spiritual awareness like the Welcoming Prayer) of the divine presence in the midst of life's waves, somehow learning to manifest rather than just believing or mental assents. I feel somehow different and I think a large portion is the outpouring of love and wisdom I experienced in Pannikar-his book and video's I have watched, like the Window, etc.

We've been married for almost 22 years, and my wife has been through many surgeries and health issues; yet, this is the first time she's really noticed in a deep way that I was there for her, beside her, and caring for her, whether going to doctor's visits, cleaning the house, or just bringing her another ice pack. It's almost like I was invisible before but both of us have changed in our love for each other and experience of God. We are more aware of each other, of love and presence. There is a softening, gentling, deepening, expanding, breathing, experience of something other, that I am sensing withing myself; and a greater awareness of others, even little creatures and insects who are breathing the same air that I am.

No, I cannot explain it any better than Pannikar. But I think the answer lies within each one of us, within our own experience of this deepening Christophany; and as our experience of this something other in love embraces and is embraced with others who are also experiencing this deepening, together we will find the answer, both out there and withing ourselves.

-from an unpublished draft in June 2011